Donald Trump once interviewed a woman for a secretary position. “Everything looks great. Last question – do you have breasts?” “Yes, I’m a woman. I have breasts.” “Why didn’t you bring them with you?”
Donald Trump’s father liked round dates
Donald Trump’s father liked round dates and wanted his son to be born on January 1st. Aiming for that date, Donald Trump was conceived on April 1st. His father hopes, however, came crushing down when Donald was born four months premature. Furious Donald Trump’s father came rushing into the delivery room right after the birth. He yelled at the doctor who delivered Donald for allowing this to happen too soon. The doctor didn’t like to be yelled at and started to push Donald back where he came from. A midwife who was experienced in these matters told the doctor that it wouldn’t work. But the doctor was really good and succeeded in pushing Donald back, due to the haste however, not in exactly the same place where he came from. The mother, not realizing what just happened, asked for her baby and was told that the baby is still inside her. “But I just gave birth!” “No, you couldn’t have.” “But, I saw it just a moment ago with my own eyes!” “Yes, but we think he crawled back.” Now the mother got furious and wanted her baby right away, but this turned out to be more difficult than the first time. So the midwife gave her a laxative and the Donald was born again.
Once upon an election day
Once upon an election day John Boehner dressed as Donald Trump and went out for a walk. On the same day Donald Trump sat in his favorite spot on top of his tower, observing people below. Donald Trump observed himself (aka John Boehner) walking among the masses and thought to himself: “I’d better go see where I’m going.” He joined the flow of people, which brought both of himselves to the polling place. Donald Trump having never been to this place before was very happy to try something new and exercise his civil rights. His happy moment of the day however was quickly marred by a very unfortunate mix-up with the local police. The next day newspapers wrote about the first documented case of voter rigging in New York, in which two Donald Trump impersonators were arrested for voter fraud.
Santa Claus came to Donald Trump
Santa Claus came to Donald Trump on Christmas Eve and told him that because he was so good this year God gave him one wish. So Donald Trump wished that there would be no terrorists anywhere in the whole world in the New Year and ever after. Santa then cried out: “What have you done?! Because of you there won’t be a New Year.”
When Donald Trump was little
When Donald Trump was little, he asked his dad where he came from. His dad told him that little Donald was brought to them by a white crane. Ever since Donald Trump had frequent dreams about cranes, but he never saw a white one. So when Donald Trump started his own construction company, he painted all his cranes in white.
Once Donald Trump was dancing
Once Donald Trump was dancing with Hillary Clinton. Hillary said: “Donald, why are stroking my back?” “I wasn’t stroking your back. I was just looking for your breasts”. “But they are in front of me.” “I’ve already looked there.”
Donald Trump always liked cars
Donald Trump always liked cars, he always had lots of cars and his cars were the best cars. But cars didn’t always like Donald Trump. Maybe it was the way he talked to them, maybe it was the way he treated them, or maybe it was because he never learned to drive them.
Donald Trump told John Boehner
Donald Trump told John Boehner that he had utmost respect for women and once personally saved a woman from being abused. “How did it happen?” “Well, I talked her into it.”
Donald Trump liked Mexicans
Donald Trump liked Mexicans. Putin liked horses. Donald Trump loved banjo. Putin loved sambo. But they shared things they didn’t like. In addition, Donald Trump didn’t speak Russian and Putin didn’t speak English. It was a recipe for a lasting friendship.
Donald Trump once had a meeting
Donald Trump once had a meeting with Ben Carson and told him: “Ben, wake up! Open your eyes!” “I’m not asleep and my eyes are wide open. They’re just blinking veeeery slowly.”
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